some changes are coming in my life. they are changes that aren’t going to be easy. they are changes that are going to require a completely different mindset and will require me to go against the cultural norm. they are changes that will require habits to be broken and new ones to be formed. changes that are going to change the pace and ultimately the course of my life.
these changes are long overdue. I am 21 and I am tired. I am tired physically, mentally and spiritually. I know it is not supposed to be this way.
I am tired physically because I push my body far beyond it’s limits. endlessly running and trying to accomplish everything on my never ending and ever growing to-do list. I am tired because I am trying to be all things to all people, giving my “yeses” out like candy and stringing my life in a million different directions in the process.
I am tired mentally because I allow my mind to dwell on anxious thoughts. these thoughts of worry and anxiety are ones I wear like a crown around my head. I burn myself out thinking of all there is to do and then beat myself up when I cannot accomplish it all. I let the ability to DO define my worth and allow it to become my identity.
this is a dangerous place to be, my friends.
I am tired spiritually because I have used all my energy trying to accomplish things and check them off my to-do list. my mind is so cluttered with anxious thoughts that is is hard to hear the voice of the Lord over my own.
I, I am Martha. anxious and troubled about many things…none of them being things that truly matter. (luke 10:41)
I have forgotten the one thing that is truly important…sitting at the feet of Jesus and letting the joy and presence of the Lord be my strength and the one thing I find satisfaction in.
I tend to work and run and strive until I am forced to stop. I crash and I burn and it is then that I am reminded that I should have sat at his feet and lingered in his presence. because the truth is, none of what I was running after brought anything of eternal value to my striving soul.
oh how I so often choose to run in endless circles and not be in the presence of the One who loves me. I exchange the freedom I have been given to BE for a life of striving and DOing.
I am tired of being tired and I am tired of using all of my energy on everything but the one thing that truly matters.
this change, exchanging my doing for being, may seem simple, but for me, it is going to be one that requires a lot of letting go. a lot of saying no, and a lot of remembering the truth that Jesus is better, ALWAYS better, than anything on my to-do list or any expectation I feel as though I have to strive to live up to. this change will require a shift in my priorities and a new perspective on what is truly important. I will have to trade the “satisfaction” I find from “having it all together” with the true satisfaction Jesus gives to his children when we come to him in our weariness and simply sit as His feet. I will have to give back the craziness of this world in exchange for the care my soul needs.
I think it’s a change worth making.
and I challenge you to make it too.
I am excited for this change and for the changes that will occur as a result of it. I am excited to do a lot more BEing instead of DOing and I am excited to give the Lord more space to move and work in my life. there is so much freedom that comes with this change and I am ready to fully walk in that freedom.
we have one life and I pray that we will not get so caught up in the doing that we forget to be with the One who gave us the gift of this life. He has not called us to live a life of striving. He wants us to come to Him and find rest for our souls. He is there to renew and restore and I pray that we do not miss this.
a change is coming, my friends. one that will change you for all eternity.
much love- Haley Nicole
haley nicole johns 